I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
