she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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