i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
