Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
