well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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