new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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