i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize