its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
