Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize