i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
