Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
