It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
