She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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