I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
