Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
