So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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