My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize