I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
