I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
