your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize