we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
