Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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