You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
