i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
