Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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