So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
