yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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