i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dear god my vagina.
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