I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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