who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
