I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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