shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
