You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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