My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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