What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
