the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
