i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
