dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
