I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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