Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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