I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
