He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
