I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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