Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
