so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
