I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
