I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
