Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i've created a new STD.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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