I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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