i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize