God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
