I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
