can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
