Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
