dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
