i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
