My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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