Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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