one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
