Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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