well you can't waste a boner
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
