"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
