Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize