a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
