i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
