We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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