I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
